An Adultery by Alexander Theroux

Author:Alexander Theroux [Theroux, Alexander]
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3
ISBN: 9780586089224
Google: ADtVPgAACAAJ
Amazon: 0805044604
Publisher: Paladin Grafton Books
Published: 1989-12-31T16:00:00+00:00

13

Farol was a fascinator. Her compulsion was to notice every man in the self-challenging way she set herself – I’d once in passing mentioned a colleague of mine from school who’d lived in St Ives for less than a month when she asked, ‘Is he that guy who wears red sneakers?’ And he was! But her problem, compounding itself like a cancer, was also to feel inadequate to the challenge for all in herself she knew was missing. It was crazy. She wished ardently to succeed, but still more ardently wished not to be known to have failed. Hints of this double goal, found in much of what she’d told me, were evident everywhere throughout her life.

But while her divorces and separations mortified her, they also taught her over the years how to make use of those experiences and turn them into assets. Strangely, her sense of inferiority actually made her pompous, her shame and embarrassment not only making her redouble her efforts to be respectable but at times even to assume an overweening moral confidence. She also had sharp instincts, and her manners, as I say, here became superb, for when she tried she could imitate the best of what she saw. She struck me as prepared, as arranged, infinitely to conciliate.

She held herself wholly at the disposition of such fellows who as she spoke – her voice was soft, inquiring, solicitous – turned awkwardly, responsibly red and struggled stiffly to oblige her in whatever appeal she made. When she desired to please she was to me, as to everyone else, the most charming woman imaginable. She accommodated herself, playing up to the exclusively male point of view, her looks inspiring passions, those passions provoking ideas. She knew men well. She knew what they wanted to hear. But while she made no mistake, she had it wrong, for I had come to see just how blank a face such a mask had to cover. The truth was, the very thing she tried to avoid but couldn’t was herself.

She was a conventional woman. That’s not to say she was simple. She wasn’t. She was complicated, but her complexity was actually the sum of many simplicities. I doubt there was an element in her personality in itself unfamiliar; it was merely the combination that defied me. The unchangeable given was that she fascinated quickly by her good looks the same people she frustrated by the flatness her personality eventually revealed. This was her ultimate desperation. It left her not only feeling hopeless in the face of all she wanted of what she didn’t have, it also made her tricky. She was always trying to justify what she wanted by claiming to decide what was good for me or her husband, paying close attention to detail always but assimilating only what served her memory, not her mind.

What is it with a beautiful woman? The aesthetic, of course, predominates. It’s the way of the world. It begins in childhood, increases in adolescence, continues

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.